Yeah, you're really ghetto there.  But let's take a look back a few years ago, shall we:



Yeah, that's right.  You wear those antlers, you have no right to make a rap video.  It's just the way things work.

I dunno.  You claim to be joking, but I don't really think you are.  I detect a hint of truth in your lyrics.  Like, ok, here let's check out "Droppin Names," where you list a number of celebrities who you claim to have gotten with (Demi Moore and Jennifer Aniston both took it up the butt, according to the song), and those who you claim to have done drugs with.   Now, let's really, let's be honest, you're pissed because of the way that all of society cares about who you've been fucking (Jaime Presley, we'll talk later, because you need to work on your choice in men), and so you've written a song about it.  The refrain: "LA is like groundhog's day, same old shit, never fucking rains.  Droppin' names, what a shame, never thought I'd turn out this way."  

And this is clearly the most important part of the song "never thought I'd turn out this way."  You're so sad that you're not as famous as you'd like to be and so you've adopted some ridiculous Ashton Kutcher persona, and decided to make fun of all those people that you will never be a part of.

But don't feel bad, Simon, because the reason I'm writing this long tyrade is that, in face, I envy you.  Do you have any idea how many tribute websites you've got to you (or should I say, you've got to your penis)?  Like, three.  Do you know how many I have?  None.  You win.